Standing Firm in Faith

11 Apr Standing Firm in Faith

Recently I had the opportunity to visit Kentucky as I was blessed to participate in a couple of beautiful weddings (To my sister and one of my best friends, thank you so much for letting me be a part of your special days). I was really looking forward to the chance to catch up with family and friends that I had missed so much (Sorry if I missed you this trip!). And to be honest, I could not wait to return for a few days to enjoy some of the comforts I do not have in Honduras. I was able to enjoy central air and not sweat every time I sat on the couch. I was able to give my grandmothers a kiss goodbye and honestly say, see you tomorrow. And in the wise words of Forrest Gump, “I must’ve drank me fifteen Dr. Peppers.” Yes, you see, it didn’t take long before I settled right back in to the comforts of “home”.

And then comes all the usual questions from every direction…..

When are you moving home? When you have kids, you are definitely moving back here, right?  Will Elena be ok moving to the states?

Now I understand where these questions are coming from. I have so many people who love me and want to make sure I’m safe. I get it, and I miss them so much. And after being home for only a few days these questions really started to wear on me. I began to realize how much I had missed. I had little baby cousins who didn’t know who I was. There were weddings and engagements I couldn’t make it back for. And I had missed a countless number of Sunday dinners where I always found peace in the chaos at Nanny’s. It truly hit me how much things have changed over the short time that I was gone. The happiness I expected in my return home was replaced by remorse. The enemy awaits moments like these, and in my case, there was no exception.

“Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” – 1 Peter 5:8

At this point I was weak and I let my guard down, as lies began to fill my head.

How could I abandon my family like I have? I was the one who preached to my cousins that we would always be together, yet I have up and left them. And not only guilt about leaving entered my thoughts, questions about my role in Honduras soon surfaced as well. How could I live in a Spanish-speaking country for 10 months and still struggle with Spanish?

Mistake after mistake that I had made leading teams or working on the finances crept into my memory. Just like the enemy had planned, my perfectionism and pride had brought me down.

But then there was a moment. At the reception of the first wedding, there were many old college friends in attendance, and it was a really good chance to catch up. One friend in particular got to talking about how he and his wife felt that God is leading them to the mission field. It made me so excited and so joyful to talk to him about our shared passion and experiences. It was as if all of a sudden all of my self-pity and guilt was washed away, and replaced by a renewed spirit and excitement for the great plan that God has for my life.

Yes, I have really struggled with Spanish. But instead of feeling useless, I feel humbled. This is not going to come easy to me, and I have finally recognized it. With meekness and God’s strength I will learn. And of course I will miss my family. I was so blessed with an incredible network of people who all had a part in making me who I am today. But there is a calling that I cannot ignore. God, throughout history, has been seeking glory from all nations, and He has called me to be a part of this ancient purpose. As I told my friend that night, if I ever doing something else with my life, I would feel like Jonah. I would knowingly be running from God’s plan. As much as I loved being in Kentucky, I was so excited to return home. I could not wait to come back with my beautiful wife and continue what God has called Elena and I to do in Honduras.

We will all go through times of weakness, and that is ok. Whether you are a missionary, teacher, or mother the enemy will attack, but you are not alone.  As Peter encourages us, just stand firm in your faith, knowing the power of Jesus Christ will carry us through, and by our faith in Him, we will overcome.

“Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world.  And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.” – 1 Peter 5:9-10