Giving Up Control

31 Oct Giving Up Control

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those that are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28 NIV

I was really excited when the summer staff was asked to contribute to the staff blog. Putting pen to paper (or in my case, fingers to a keyboard) really helps me solidify my thoughts and feelings on a subject, often times bringing full circle God’s plans for certain areas in my life.

For me, this summer was all about giving up control.  I’ve always been that type of student that, when in a group project, will do all the work so I can make sure it’s done my way.  I think my way is the right way and I feel like I know my way is best (just ask my parents about this!!). However, this summer I have realized that I’m not always right and I don’t need to be in control of everything. I worship a God that takes care of everything in His own perfect way and in His own timing despite my efforts otherwise.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. “For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.” Isaiah 55:8-11 NIV

As summer staffers, collectively and individually, we went through a lot of tough situations this summer. Something we discussed a lot was the fact that we each had so many things we wanted to do and accomplish in just a few weeks, but we couldn’t.

In my case, I was really looking forward to spending a month in San Pedro Sula and getting the chance to grow closer with my families sponsored kids. My family began sponsoring two kids through the Sponsor a Sparrow program after our first trip.  We were introduced to William and Selenia and we immediately had a relationship with a family that didn’t speak our language or who had ever seen our country.  Yet, they knew us and loved us, which is something I could only attribute to the love of God.  In the past, I had only gotten to be with this family for a week at a time, so having the extended time was something I was excited about.

BUT, as I visited the school at least twice a week and the Bordos more than that, I began to grow more and more frustrated as each and every time my sponsored kid’s weren’t in attendance at school or the discipleship classes. It was like a constant roller coaster of getting my hopes up way too high and then having them be crushed every time as I watched people get to love on their sponsored kids while I had no idea where mine was. I became angry because God had given me such a full heart for those two kids and their mother, yet I wasn’t getting to spend any quality time with them. Unknowingly even to myself, I was harboring bitterness in my heart and resentment towards God. That’s something I would have never predicted about my time in Honduras.

“And He is not served by human hands, as if He needed anything. Rather, He himself gives everyone life and breath and everything else.” Acts 17:25 NIV

The reason I was so frustrated was not because I loved my kids so much and wanted to be a part of their lives, my anger was from my arrogance in thinking I could give anything to William and Selenia. That somehow my presence was this amazing and life-altering thing that they couldn’t possibly live without. And although these were not the thoughts in my mind while I was in the shower crying and asking God to let me see those kids just once, God showed me the error in my anger. He showed me that having a broken heart for someone and being angry isn’t a sin in and of itself, but that the sin comes when I believe God’s plan isn’t what’s best for them. When I believe that what I have in mind for those kids is what’s best, I am doubting The Lord. He has shown me that I am nothing but an empty vessel for Him, carrying his love across borders. He allows me to do that.

“The people may know, from the rising of the sun and from the west, that there is none besides me; I am The Lord, and there is no other. I form light and create darkness, I make well-being and create calamity, I am The Lord, who does all these things.” Isaiah 45:6-7 ESV

Praise God that I am not in control. Praise God that He is there, that His will is done despite me and my desires. My heart can become so overwhelmed with what I feel like is best and what I feel like is the right thing, but what a blessing it is to know that I don’t have to be in control. He who forms light and creates darkness is in control of my life and of the little lives of the kids I love. I’m so grateful that He taught me that this summer and that He showed me that my desires are not always His but that His desires always prevail.

As I was looking through my backpack recently, I stumbled across an awesome letter from the one and only Hannah Connor in which she said something that spoke directly to my heart.  I feel like it’s a perfect way to summarize what God showed me (and all of us) this summer:

“If you haven’t already learned, God goes before you. He already has. He goes before you and he has His path ready. Hold true to that promise. Lean on Him – he’s got your back in all situations you will face – especially those you have no control over. Right, Laney?”

Thank you and God bless,

Laney